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K A I S H I N G
09071988 [BREAKING 21]
CHRISTIAN

2 May 2007 | 12:33 am

this something deep in me... but i juz dunnoe how to express it out somethings... and afraid wat will ppl think of me...

monday- went to get my new phone with my dad... i was at cwp after sch ends at around 12... called my dad at 1,3,4... called him first few times he was quite angry liao... cause he driving taxi cannot really talk much... went to library to find for some art books... browse for 1 hour plus walk around cwp for 1 hour plus... then settle down at kfc to eat my lunch...

before all these i dun even have a cent MAN!!! lol... cause i gave for building fund and still waiting for my friend to transfer money to my account... after he transfer then i go eat.. so was super hungry... sometime its juz so hard to be on God's side.. when u have nth and u can't tell your parents... when they juz gave u your allowance yesterday and u are telling them u dun have a cent today... madness.. waited for so long... dad didn't appear... after hours he came in with his shade on and tuck in clothes... VERI UNCLE!!! TYPICAL TAXI DRIVER!!! then when on the way to singtel shop

dad: "like tat can anot? look nice with shade on?"
me replied " eh u look veri uncle lorz... veri ah pek... think u look nicer without the shade..." so he took down the shade... look so much younger!

nth much happen till here... he was still joking and having fun with me and teasing the sale gal... thats my dad... but he is good... not those ci go pek uncle la...

then after tat my mum also came over cause she need to get a phone too... she noe nuts about the phone and all she want is a phone tat can be use and can call out can le... she dun care much about it 1... then my dad was like saying to her.. "gogogo.. choose your phone... wat kind u want? flip1? push out1? or normal?" MUM"i anything la... can use can already..." she say she wanted this" and my dad say:"confirm ma..the screen so small, so bulky? and things like tat" then make my mum dunnoe wat to choose... i noe all she want is juz a simple and cheap phone... then my dad keep saying" waste my time... i wanna slp 1 lehz... cannot slp liao" **brought the phone le then went to seahorse brand store** spend $120 free cause we complain for a "damage" sofa we brought last few weeks... my dad walked into the shop so YAYA machim the ppl owe him something like tat... not the supplier problem ma.. i think shouldn't have done tat.. anyway we got our stuff and my dad wanna take bus back.. with all the bulky stuff we carry... its stupid.. then i and my mum voted for taxi... **board the taxi** my dad gave wrong instruction...
then thru out the time they are together... they are quarreling... and shooting each other... it break my heart to see that.. **reach home sit at the table** still quarreling... saying about wat happen on the cab and choose phone slow and things like tat...then neither 1 wanna give way... i was like thinking how can i solve all these? leave home? then after tat my dad say me... " then u ah... also another one... i driving u call me so many times.. ask u go repair first dunnoe how..." then i burst out crying" i where got money, i waited for u so long... u nv called me back.. wat u want me do?" **walk to the toilet...** then walk pass them...** "everytime quarrel quarrel quarrel u think i hear until veri song ah?" **went into my room crying out loud to God....** 1)i can't tell them i gave how much for building fund 2)i was super hungry and got no money... 3) waited for so long and walking till sian liao my dad still not there...4)i fail 2 modules for poly and i didn't tell them... lots of things i have been hiding from them... should i say? i think i need counseling lehz.. i can't really control my anger well... i angry i will cry.. i sad i cry.... watever if u wanna call me crybaby... this is me... emotional at times... then i vent my anger by punching on wall with my fist... and the thought of hitting my head against the wall came to my mind...(juz a thought... didn't do it)

this is wat i wrote in the dark crying to God... ** sitting down on the floor(cause didn't want to dirty the bed, haven't bath)** **In the dark.. cause didn't want to on the light for my parents to see... (dunnoe y)**

"I love both of u,thats why i want u all to be happy with each other and not quarrel over small things...TO DAD:"i noe u have been wanting me to go find a job, i noe u are working hard to provide for the family,i thank u that u are giving us so many things but 1 thing tat actually lack is a happy family(at times)"
"I HAVE GROWN UP,I NOE WAT I WANT AND WAT I DOING AND WAT I WANNA BE!!" I LOVED U"RE SO MUCH TAT I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ALL THESE!!!"

who would noe tat a guy like me tat seems so happy go lucky will do this kind of things... lol... but tat was the true me... i really need to change... but after i calm myself down... i really think tats of the devil... stupid thoughts... how can i be a leader if i can't even control my emotions... and how can i be a leader if all these small problems will be such a big impact to me... wat about those ppl their parents divorce, their parents in hospital, or worst case scenario or even die.. wat if all these happen... will my cg juz disperse like tat... i will grow stonger from this... then after all these went jogging then went to find edwin and art... then wanna meet dale and others for supper... went back home at 2.. everyone asleep... my brother on the sofa... think maybe because my parents worry for me ask him wait... poor brother... but i m alright now... dun have to view me different... this is juz a step i have to step up to... dun worry... i can overcome these...
SOMETIMES ITS juz so easy to give up everything tat u are assigned to do... and give up on life and give up on God... BUT!!! I CHOSE NOT TO!!! THE DEVIL HAVE NO POWER OVER MY LIFE!!! CAUSE JESUS DIE ON THE CROSS FOR ME!!! "I LOVE MY DAD AND MY MUM!! God bless their marriage"

MY GOD R E I G N S.